Hey, this is just the beginning

yes a mistake was made, but time will tell how good/bad the situation is. I think you are being a good mom by helping out and trying to readjust for all involved.

the mom I help out, she was 16 when she had her little one–the same age as my niece when she had her 1st. They are different like night and day. M is working, trying to educate herself and make a better life for their little family. baby girl was just over 2y when M asked for help–with no mother figure other than the daddy’s mom, she felt she needed guidance from someone she trusted.

My niece has 6 kids–3 different fathers, on her 2nd marriage and lives in the basement of her mom’s house with 9 other people. She has no motive to move on and move out. she is a 3rd generation teen mom and her oldest daughter is 4th generation. They just continue the cycle–little education, few job skills and no common sense.

I am ok admitting it:)

I really have never been a fan of teen parents, or of someone who cannot care for herself, much less a little one, my child isn’t excluded in that assessment.

Her mistake is life changing for all parties concerned and there is nothing wrong with admitting it. It’s a mistake which cannot be fixed, you just readjust life from this point on. I can cast the first stone at myself, hurts worse when you know it’s coming.

Linda, it might interest you to know that

I owe my existence to a college Christmas party where the strawberry daiquiris were so spiked with booze that my Mom couldn’t find her coat, let alone the door, a few hours later. I was born when she was 21 years old. She made mistakes with me and I sure as heck have made some doozies myself. But I do rather enjoy the idea that I exist. And despite some knock-down drag-out fights with my folks, and some ongoing disagreements about various and sundry, I adore them and they adore me and we’re usually pretty happy to have the others in our lives. You didn’t fail. Your daughter just took a hard right turn that you didn’t expect. Doesn’t mean your life or her life is over. Just means there’s another life in the mix now, and hopefully that blessed little child with be a constant wonder for you both. Even when she makes mistakes too.

My sister moved home with her two kids when she got a divorce

She has been employed on and off since then, but even when she had a great job, she was living there. It was supposed to be temporary, but her youngest has severe Autism and the idea of moving her and finding child care for her makes everything that much harder so she stays.

They say that it used to be the norm to have multiple generations living in one home and we got away from that for a while.

What gets me about these reports

Both in print and on the news is they always talk about the kids unemployment and financial problems. That is not always so. There can be a multitude of reasons for kids not only moving home, but staying home. Take our situation.<< You're right, though I am quick to judge (wrong on my part) and say most young adults are wimps, babys and purely spoiled rotten, that they want to sit around and play the wii while mom and dad foot the bills. Our situation is different too. Dd is on disability, one of the truely qualified people who is on disability...health issues with the heart and spine. Though she doesn't have to work to have some income (though it would be very low), she still does part-time at our church's preschool for several years now, and day-care before that. She pays rent/room/board which includes kitchen priviledges, though most of the time she eats meals I cook, which is fine. She pays most of her auto insurance as well. She is also paying us back for her car. Dd also purchases her own health and beauty, gas, hobby related items, clothing, etc. When going out to do things with friends, eat out, etc. she pays her own way. Dd is also responsible for keeping her room & bathroom cleaned & straightened up, doing her own laundry, helping with dishes after meals, etc. and any other general stuff we ask her to do in exchange for living here. Before hiring a housekeeper she was responsible for doing more for weekly cleaning. We do appreciate her telling us when she will not be home for supper. It just means that we can go ahead and eat without wondering if she'll be there. She is also good about telling us if she will be out, especially if it means she'll be gone for several hours at a time. If she wanted to move out, it would be okay with us but with housing costs around here, we would probably have to supplement her rent for her to be ina good neighborhood/apt. complex. Studios can rent for $800/month so it's not cheap. We do appreciate the help she gives us and is not much trouble.

Partaying! A friend’s 41st Birthday Party

I refuse to report in – I didn’t do that as a child (of course I just snuck out) and considering that I left home at 15, wasn’t really allowed to go out while living at home. I definitely will not be doing so at this age. I believe in the “no news is good news” adage. She better figure it out or she’s liable to have many more nights of sitting up waiting for me.

She’s used to me leaving super early (1 or 2am) to go to work, she’s seen that all of her life.

She was just shocked that I and my best friend could still go out and stay out until the wee hours of the morning like we were teenagers. She fussed at both of us and the best friends children (aged 19 and 17) fussed at us too. What?!?!?!? We were both in the choir stand, singing our solos in church at the 11 o’clock service.

My sisters moved back home after college, but it didn’t last long

the one headed to grad school and the other eventually bought a house. A few years down the road, my mom wanted to retire, but to do that she would have to sell the house. The solution was for her to sell 1/2 to my youngest sister. It is great for us because as my mom has gotten older and has had a few health problems, my sister, her DH and 2 girls can help. If I ever want to visit home, I have a place to stay.

On the other hand, my step niece is really a piece of work. She, her DH, and 6 kids, 1 grand kid and possible future son-in-law live in her mother’s basement. She’s been there off and on for the past 20 years. She’s 36 and I don’t ever see her changing.

Financial problems

What gets me about these reports both in print and on the news is they always talk about the kids unemployment and financial problems. That is not always so. There can be a multitude of reasons for kids not only moving home, but staying home. Take our situation.
Ds graduated college in 2000, with a degree in starvation. He had a job that covered his bills and little else. Then he lost that job and lived off his savings, charge cards etc while he looked for work for over six months. Meantime, here on the ranch dh was on mega overtime, and I was tending for FOUR family elders in various degrees (ie: 2 aunts—taking them for errands a couple of times a week and checking on them on the phone daily, dmil helping her deal with the recent death (at that time) of dfil and my grandmother which required daily visits and a lot more.
We were also running a thriving home based free range poultry and egg business that required a lot of time. Dh and I were stretched to the max both physically and emotionally. We had no idea ds was unemployed until he ended up in ER because he could no longer get his life saving asthma meds.
That near death experience was actually a good thing for us. Once we knew the facts the solution became very clear to us. We had been considering hiring a farm hand, ds needed a job. We moved him home that week. That was around 2002.
He found a job in Tulsa the very next day after he moved in and we thought as soon as he got back on his feet he’d move back out, but he’s still here and we are all happy about it for the most part. In 2002 his help on the farm and with the elders was so huge you cannot imagine. His job loss was our blessing.
You all know how much help he is here, how well he takes care of dh and myself. Truthfully I don’t know what we would do if he moved off property. He maintains his “apartment” upstairs, pays the utilities, buys groceries, pays for his own detergent, bills, health and beauty aids, buys ½ the feed, splits the cell phone bill and directv bill (he pays 1/3) with us, runs errands, hauls feed, cuts firewood, mows, and either cooks 1 meal a week or takes dh and I out to eat. He also has his own life and friends and if we can get past all the roadblocks we keep running into will have his own home before much longer. When dh retires and we want to hit the road he will be here to tend the animals and maintain the place.
Our long term plan is if he should marry he will take over the big house and we’ll move into his little house.
So you can see there is more than one side to generations living together.

Sorry, I hit Send too soon

My first DH and I lived at home for three months back in 1992 when he was discharged from the Navy and we moved all the way across the country to re-start our lives. That was a long, L-O-N-G three months. I can’t imagine now what it would be like for young people to be living at home, without some kind of “it’s only until X date” lifeline to hang onto.
When I decided to go back to work, I was concerned that I would be facing all these young kids, bright eyed and bushy tailed, and competing against them. I suppose in some respects I am competing against their more recent educations. But I’ve got 25 years of working experience in the field I’m trying to return to, against their “just graduated and living with Mom” resume. I guess old age and experience (didn’t want to think I was particularly treacherous) have their advantages.

My Christmas Budget

$150 a piece for my older kids =$600
$75 a piece little kids = $225 We spend less because I find better little kids deals.
$150 gifts to each other for me & hubby
$30 a piece for grandkids =$120
$20 Christmas cards
Total $ 1115
I have tape, wrapping paper, and stockings done. I factor holiday food into the food budget.
Now if I can just stick to it !