Hey, this is just the beginning

yes a mistake was made, but time will tell how good/bad the situation is. I think you are being a good mom by helping out and trying to readjust for all involved.

the mom I help out, she was 16 when she had her little one–the same age as my niece when she had her 1st. They are different like night and day. M is working, trying to educate herself and make a better life for their little family. baby girl was just over 2y when M asked for help–with no mother figure other than the daddy’s mom, she felt she needed guidance from someone she trusted.

My niece has 6 kids–3 different fathers, on her 2nd marriage and lives in the basement of her mom’s house with 9 other people. She has no motive to move on and move out. she is a 3rd generation teen mom and her oldest daughter is 4th generation. They just continue the cycle–little education, few job skills and no common sense.

I am ok admitting it:)

I really have never been a fan of teen parents, or of someone who cannot care for herself, much less a little one, my child isn’t excluded in that assessment.

Her mistake is life changing for all parties concerned and there is nothing wrong with admitting it. It’s a mistake which cannot be fixed, you just readjust life from this point on. I can cast the first stone at myself, hurts worse when you know it’s coming.

Linda, it might interest you to know that

I owe my existence to a college Christmas party where the strawberry daiquiris were so spiked with booze that my Mom couldn’t find her coat, let alone the door, a few hours later. I was born when she was 21 years old. She made mistakes with me and I sure as heck have made some doozies myself. But I do rather enjoy the idea that I exist. And despite some knock-down drag-out fights with my folks, and some ongoing disagreements about various and sundry, I adore them and they adore me and we’re usually pretty happy to have the others in our lives. You didn’t fail. Your daughter just took a hard right turn that you didn’t expect. Doesn’t mean your life or her life is over. Just means there’s another life in the mix now, and hopefully that blessed little child with be a constant wonder for you both. Even when she makes mistakes too.

My sister moved home with her two kids when she got a divorce

She has been employed on and off since then, but even when she had a great job, she was living there. It was supposed to be temporary, but her youngest has severe Autism and the idea of moving her and finding child care for her makes everything that much harder so she stays.

They say that it used to be the norm to have multiple generations living in one home and we got away from that for a while.

What gets me about these reports

Both in print and on the news is they always talk about the kids unemployment and financial problems. That is not always so. There can be a multitude of reasons for kids not only moving home, but staying home. Take our situation.<< You're right, though I am quick to judge (wrong on my part) and say most young adults are wimps, babys and purely spoiled rotten, that they want to sit around and play the wii while mom and dad foot the bills. Our situation is different too. Dd is on disability, one of the truely qualified people who is on disability...health issues with the heart and spine. Though she doesn't have to work to have some income (though it would be very low), she still does part-time at our church's preschool for several years now, and day-care before that. She pays rent/room/board which includes kitchen priviledges, though most of the time she eats meals I cook, which is fine. She pays most of her auto insurance as well. She is also paying us back for her car. Dd also purchases her own health and beauty, gas, hobby related items, clothing, etc. When going out to do things with friends, eat out, etc. she pays her own way. Dd is also responsible for keeping her room & bathroom cleaned & straightened up, doing her own laundry, helping with dishes after meals, etc. and any other general stuff we ask her to do in exchange for living here. Before hiring a housekeeper she was responsible for doing more for weekly cleaning. We do appreciate her telling us when she will not be home for supper. It just means that we can go ahead and eat without wondering if she'll be there. She is also good about telling us if she will be out, especially if it means she'll be gone for several hours at a time. If she wanted to move out, it would be okay with us but with housing costs around here, we would probably have to supplement her rent for her to be ina good neighborhood/apt. complex. Studios can rent for $800/month so it's not cheap. We do appreciate the help she gives us and is not much trouble.

Partaying! A friend’s 41st Birthday Party

I refuse to report in – I didn’t do that as a child (of course I just snuck out) and considering that I left home at 15, wasn’t really allowed to go out while living at home. I definitely will not be doing so at this age. I believe in the “no news is good news” adage. She better figure it out or she’s liable to have many more nights of sitting up waiting for me.

She’s used to me leaving super early (1 or 2am) to go to work, she’s seen that all of her life.

She was just shocked that I and my best friend could still go out and stay out until the wee hours of the morning like we were teenagers. She fussed at both of us and the best friends children (aged 19 and 17) fussed at us too. What?!?!?!? We were both in the choir stand, singing our solos in church at the 11 o’clock service.

My sisters moved back home after college, but it didn’t last long

the one headed to grad school and the other eventually bought a house. A few years down the road, my mom wanted to retire, but to do that she would have to sell the house. The solution was for her to sell 1/2 to my youngest sister. It is great for us because as my mom has gotten older and has had a few health problems, my sister, her DH and 2 girls can help. If I ever want to visit home, I have a place to stay.

On the other hand, my step niece is really a piece of work. She, her DH, and 6 kids, 1 grand kid and possible future son-in-law live in her mother’s basement. She’s been there off and on for the past 20 years. She’s 36 and I don’t ever see her changing.

Financial problems

What gets me about these reports both in print and on the news is they always talk about the kids unemployment and financial problems. That is not always so. There can be a multitude of reasons for kids not only moving home, but staying home. Take our situation.
Ds graduated college in 2000, with a degree in starvation. He had a job that covered his bills and little else. Then he lost that job and lived off his savings, charge cards etc while he looked for work for over six months. Meantime, here on the ranch dh was on mega overtime, and I was tending for FOUR family elders in various degrees (ie: 2 aunts—taking them for errands a couple of times a week and checking on them on the phone daily, dmil helping her deal with the recent death (at that time) of dfil and my grandmother which required daily visits and a lot more.
We were also running a thriving home based free range poultry and egg business that required a lot of time. Dh and I were stretched to the max both physically and emotionally. We had no idea ds was unemployed until he ended up in ER because he could no longer get his life saving asthma meds.
That near death experience was actually a good thing for us. Once we knew the facts the solution became very clear to us. We had been considering hiring a farm hand, ds needed a job. We moved him home that week. That was around 2002.
He found a job in Tulsa the very next day after he moved in and we thought as soon as he got back on his feet he’d move back out, but he’s still here and we are all happy about it for the most part. In 2002 his help on the farm and with the elders was so huge you cannot imagine. His job loss was our blessing.
You all know how much help he is here, how well he takes care of dh and myself. Truthfully I don’t know what we would do if he moved off property. He maintains his “apartment” upstairs, pays the utilities, buys groceries, pays for his own detergent, bills, health and beauty aids, buys ½ the feed, splits the cell phone bill and directv bill (he pays 1/3) with us, runs errands, hauls feed, cuts firewood, mows, and either cooks 1 meal a week or takes dh and I out to eat. He also has his own life and friends and if we can get past all the roadblocks we keep running into will have his own home before much longer. When dh retires and we want to hit the road he will be here to tend the animals and maintain the place.
Our long term plan is if he should marry he will take over the big house and we’ll move into his little house.
So you can see there is more than one side to generations living together.

Sorry, I hit Send too soon

My first DH and I lived at home for three months back in 1992 when he was discharged from the Navy and we moved all the way across the country to re-start our lives. That was a long, L-O-N-G three months. I can’t imagine now what it would be like for young people to be living at home, without some kind of “it’s only until X date” lifeline to hang onto.
When I decided to go back to work, I was concerned that I would be facing all these young kids, bright eyed and bushy tailed, and competing against them. I suppose in some respects I am competing against their more recent educations. But I’ve got 25 years of working experience in the field I’m trying to return to, against their “just graduated and living with Mom” resume. I guess old age and experience (didn’t want to think I was particularly treacherous) have their advantages.

My Christmas Budget

$150 a piece for my older kids =$600
$75 a piece little kids = $225 We spend less because I find better little kids deals.
$150 gifts to each other for me & hubby
$30 a piece for grandkids =$120
$20 Christmas cards
Total $ 1115
I have tape, wrapping paper, and stockings done. I factor holiday food into the food budget.
Now if I can just stick to it !

The trick to starting early and staying in your budget amount is to keep track of the spending

Then, when you hit x number—-you stop spending. I know this sounds basic—but a lot of times–if you start early and spread it out and don’t keep track—it is easy to spend more that you thought you were.
Also— make a list of all the people you are buying for and x amount of dollars for each.
That way–you spend no more than the allotted amount per person—again–making it easier to stay in the budget.
And me being me—I would also stop before I hit the amount—to give a buffer for last minute extras.


Say my Christmas budget is $500 this year.
I then make a list and have 2 college kids, 4 parents, 2 siblings, their 2 spouses, 2 nephews, and 1 niece.
For spending:
college kids $100 each= $200
Stockings for college kids $20 each= $40
4 parents $10 each (usually buy shared gifts at $20 each) = $40
2 siblings and 2 spouses same as parents= $40
2 nephews $20 each= $40
2 nieces $20 each= $40
Total budget thus far= $400……..leaving $100 for extras, taxes I didn’t include (say a $20 present is $20 before taxes)….or whatever else I want to splurge on.
Just how I do it to keep myself in budget,


P.S. I buy everything on sale—so even though many times my budget for a couple or a nephew is $20–they may be getting a gift valued at $40 or more each.

Call around –

some foresting companies will come in, chop the trees down, haul them away, AND pay you for it.
I found this out when we lived on 10 acres and had a tornado and our insurance agent suggested it.
The only thing is— the above said companies are looking for certain types of trees and enough to make it worth their while.
Just depends on what kind of wood is needed by the company.

Here’s wishing it works for you.

However you come to meet the professionals

through ads or you calling them, let them know up front that you want to barter. That cuts out any confusion down the road. If you’re payment will be part cash and part bartered product that may sweeten it a bit to know there will be at least some cash. They are in business too and have their own vendors & contracted help to pay.

Thinking aloud

What about advertising that you are willing to barter services in this area. With your networks, on line groups etc, place a ad saying that you’re willing to split the profits to some percentage, or barter pork or some other commodity and go from there. This way, people will know up front that this is a bartering agreement from the beginning. Let them come to you if they are interested in the barter agreement.

It’s really nice to see another facilitator here

I really think it depends on the group in the class itself, AND their motivation for being there.

My present class is by far the best one I’ve EVER had. We only had one drop out and the rest have made it to the end. Our dropout is actually working the program on her own, so maybe she’ll be able to continue.

I’ve had classes where I lost half or more, so don’t feel bad about it and cash loans by RT Loans – it really does depend on their wanting to DO IT. I’m terrible in that I generally don’t try to bring them back once they start to wander, but I honestly feel that they HAVE TO WANT to do it and to be there and that there is nothing I can do to instill that in them if it’s not there.

I’ve just learned to accept that it’s not my fault, it’s their choice and to concentrate on the remaining people.

I too, am excited about the new videos coming. Can’t wait until September! I don’t know yet what I think of the 10 week option. I haven’t yet talked to my Ron contact about it, yet. But I do have to wonder if 10 weeks is actually long enough. The majority of my classes are really sad and scared around week 11 and 12 about the program and the forced accountability ending.

Good evening

It’s been discussed quite frequently, that sometimes we can get professional services through bartering for them, rather than paying for them. I have used this approach myself, generally with good results. BUT, I’ve always used it with folks that I already knew really well. I’ve never gone to someone that was a new professional acquaintance, and proposed this idea. Maybe I’m just chicken. But how would you launch a conversation like that, with someone you’ve only just met?
The circumstances here is that we very much want to get our land logged – those trees are dead and dying and coming down on their own with every windstorm. If we do them all now, we can sell the logs and that could earn us some $$$. But there’s a fair amount of money to be paid up front – up to $10K worth. That’s just something we’re not prepared to pay. We have found a foresting company that we think we can work with (our application is rather complicated due to some zoning and roadway issues). I’d like to barter for their services, and/or the services of folks on the crew (the loggers themselves, whom we probably wouldn’t hire directly, the consulting engineer to draft up the land disturbance permits, etc). I’m having a hard time starting that conversation. “Psst, buddy, wanna help us log some land, in trade for some pork?” That just doesn’t sound right. Suggestions?

I thought I had already missed your call

I forgot the call was supposed to be at 3pm CENTRAL. I only caught the last part of it(a co-worker had a computer complaint). I heard Dave say something like, “Those are cool dogs”, but missed the part before that. So I’m listening to this lady talk about how her husband had a disability, so it made it tough for him to work. Then at the end, I hear Mark say, “Ok, Keisha and Pete, blah,blah” I’m like, “KEISHA?!?” Cool!
I’ll have to listen to the archive to hear the whole interview… 🙂

I felt like an idiot

when he started asking me about bulldogs and my husbands disability. I didn’t explain it very well. My hubby has 7 things wrong with his back and neck. I can’t believe I talked to Mark! Serious snoopy dance !!

We have used both Chegg and Amazon

The problem we have had with Chegg is that they retain your CC number AND they are not fastidious about logging in returns. My DD22 was charged $150 to replace a book…which she had returned. She didn’t think she had to keep a receipt of it getting mailed (first time for everything) so there was no way to prove that she had (although they managed to log in all the other books she returned at the same time.)

We would never use Chegg again. It is much simpler to buy from Amazon or the used College book store and sell them back on Amazon.

I think Barnes and Noble is doing a text book rent too…but we’ve never used them.

Obviously, you need to do your budgets on the 40 hour week

If any overtime shows up, that’s a BONUS. But you can’t count on it anymore.
What’s the LOWEST amount you get for your pay? Use that amount for budgeting. Again, anything above that is a bonus to be thrown at whatever step you’re on.
Sounds like your situation changed, and you just didn’t adapt quickly enough. If your bills were $2000 per month and you were making $2200 per month, then you’d have some leeway. If your income has dropped to $1900, then you either need to drop your expenses to $1900, or increase your income by $100 somehow.
Again, it’s all mathematics – they don’t lie.

Ok, well, then I’ve been doing that part correctly

Do you do that every week before payday? I was doing really good with our bills. Had them all down to the dot, and now hubby is down to a strict 40 hours so our income dropped which threw me into a whirlwind.
I took each bill and divide it by 4 (paydays in a month) and I put that amount into a separate account for bills. I have it all wrote down and know what bill has how much $$ for it put back.
I think I am going to start writing it all out on Thursday night and going by his check.
My checks we use for groceries, I get paid every 2 weeks and I never know what I make until the check is depositied.
I’m really stressed out and need to figure this all out, frustrating we were doing so good.

My first week of searching for work has yielded:

1) lots of time pouring over uncountable job listing websites
2) a considerable amount of time polishing both my resumes and remembering how to write cover letters
3) a discouragingly small amount of time actually sending in resumes (a grand total of two so far)
4) several headaches
5) several “discussions” (darn close to arguments) with my DH about how to spend my time – looking for work, working on the farm or maintaining the household. I’m happy to say those have mostly been resolved to both our satisfaction.
6) At least one letter back already saying that the most perfect job opening that I was delighted to find, has been postponed for no obvious reason, but they’ll keep my resume on file just in case.
7) More than one bout of intense discouragement. I’m happy to say those have eased off, at least for now.
8) At least one uncomfortable conversation with DH about various household and farm projects to put on hold until money improves. We got through it and generally have a working agreement in place.
9) A refreshing amount of time also spent working on those projects on the farm which will also increase income.
10) A lot of time in the garden at the end of each day. God bless gardens.

I still think that finding some additional work is the right thing to do for us for right now. But I have again come face to face with the realization that I can expend a lot of time on this effort, and not get anywhere. Nevertheless, I have to try. I have also come face to face with the realization that I need to pace myself in all things right now – looking for work, continuing to maintain the house, maintaining the farm and working on those farm income projects which are still on the list. Because I could every easily pour everything into this job search, exhaust myself, let the house and farm fall to pieces, and be in a mess in six months even if I do land a job.

For those folks looking for work too, I thought I remembered how tough it was but DANG. I didn’t remember all the angst. DH and I are both being very careful with each other right now because things are so fragile – new budgets, new understandings of the other person’s situation, and reaching for new solutions rather than falling back on old habits. I may not be online much this week thanks to all of this, but we’re still trundling on the DR path, one step at a time.